Tonight, the most inept of the inept at special teams would faceoff in Columbus. That’s not the end of the stupid either. John Scott is dressed. Steve Montador is supposedly going to be a forward on the powerplay. And I’m sure Q will take the already jumbled lines and make them even crazier.
Seven minutes into the first, Brent Seabrook would charge into the offensive zone and perform a give and go with Toews. Toews would drive hard to the net and Seabs would simply throw the puck on net from a sharp angle, and Steve “Terrible Goalie” Mason would drop the rebound right into the slot where The Captain would bury the chance. 1-0 Hawks.
A couple minutes later, Steve Montador and Derek Dorsett would have a goofy looking scrap along the boards. Dorsett had given Marcus Kruger a high, sorta-blindside-ish hit and Monty took offense. Dorsett pretty much played punchy face with Montador’s mug, soooo, whatever I guess. Monty should be careful though, he doesn’t want to miss out on any powerplay time. *eye roll*
Yet a few more minutes later, Viktor Stalberg would be an idiot and take an offensive zone holding penalty and put the Jackets on the powerplay. Grant Clitsome (hehehe) would get the puck up at the point, simply fire a slapshot through a Brent Seabrook screen (STOP IT) and score, further embarrassing our penalty kill. 1-1 tie. Hideous.
With under three minutes remaining the first, Nick Leddy would drive from behind the Hawks net to the BJ’s blueline. He’d dish off to Toews on the boards. Toews would be down nearly to the bottom of the faceoff circle and throw the puck on net. Mason would graciously allow the puck into the BJ’s net, giving the Captain his second goal of the night and the Hawks the lead, 2-1.
The Hawks would do their best to give the BJ’s some chances at the end of the period to tie it up, but the period would end with the Hawks still up 2-1 and on the powerplay to start the second. The good news is that, as they damn well should, the Hawks dominated play pretty much the entire period. Shots for the first were 16-5 in favor of the Hawks.
Ninety seconds into the second period, the second powerplay unit would convert, HALLELUHJA! Marcus Kruger would take a chipped puck by Steve Montador from behind the net and get a shot on goal which Mason would stop. However, Mason’s momentum would carry him to the right side of the net while the puck went back to the left where Andrew Brunette buried the chance. 3-1 Hawks.
Halfway through the period, on another powerplay, Nick Leddy would let a point shot fly which got blocked. It would jump out to the side boards where Duncan Keith took the puck towards the corner. A gigantic passing lane opened for Keith to feed a WIDE OPEN Steve Montador in the slot. Monty easily buried the chance for ANOTHER powerplay goal. 4-1 Hawks.
With a minute remaining in the second, Daniel Carcillo picked up a loose puck in the defensive zone and found a lurking Patrick Kane in the neutral zone. Kane had snuck behind the BJ’s d-men due to some...lackidasical backchecking. Kane skated in, deked Mason and slid it through the five hole. The period would end with the 5-1 Hawks lead.
The first thirty seconds of the third saw Steve Mason make a silly turnover right to Viktor Stalberg who got the puck down low to Hossa. Hossa fed the puck to Searook at the point who put a shot on. The rebound would come right to Hossa’s stick and he would bury the chance. 6-1 Hawks.
Two minutes later, on a Columbus powerplay due to a John Scott penalty, Rick Nash would gather the puck behind the net. Mark Letestu was camped on the side of the net and Nash would feed him for a quick shot that would sneak past Crawford. 6-2 Hawks.
With just under four minutes remaining, Vinny Prospal would win a board battle and feed Grant Clitsome on the point. Clitsome would let a shot fly which snuck through a screen by R.J. Umberger and wind up in the back of the net. 6-3 Hawks, which is how it would end.
A big bounceback game from the Hawks and a much needed win. The Hawks will hop a quick flight to Chicago and prepare for the vomit inducing Calgary Flames tomorrow night.
- The first shift by Carcillo/Kane/Sharp was hilarious. That’s what they’re SUPPOSED to do to terrible hockey teams.
- Not even three minutes into the game and I’ve already seen Keith & Montador out there on a defensive zone draw, which means Q isn’t putting Scott out there in those situations. Again: WHY THE FUCK IS HE DRESSED?
- Frightening Things: John Scott pinching in the offensive zone.
- I declare Clitsome’s new nickname to be Lance Labia.
- Good thing Carcillo took that puck to the mouth, he’s got no teeth there already. No dental bills.
- Patrick Sharp destroying some unfortunate BJ into the boards? FOREVER LULZ.
- As I stated many times on Twitter, I thought the idea of Montador on the powerplay as a forward was idiotic. Then when I saw a powerplay unit of Montador/Kruger/Brunette was also idiotic. I resind all my statements. They worked incredibly well together and hot damn, were they an extremely hard working unit.
- The save Crawford made on Rick Nash during the BJ’s powerplay immediately after the Hawks’ fourth goal? WOWZAS.
- Yeah, Edzo, your son who is turning 21 tonight is definitely watching the third period of a well-in-hand Blackhawks game against the Blue Jackets instead of getting fucking wasted. Good call, Dad.
- The How Horrible is our Powerplay Watch: 2 for 3.
- Jonathan Toews - 2 Goals and an assist. Nice to see some bounces go the Captain’s way.
- Steve Montador - Gordie Howe Hat Trick. The fight was less than impressive, but the goal and assist both came on the powerplay.
- Marian Hossa - Scored the Hawks sixth goal and was in beast mode all night.
Up Next: The Hawks head back to the Windy City to welcome (read: laugh at) the Calgary Flames.
Photos of the Game:
Our ice hockey squadron is better than yours.
That’s a happy human.
This could be the start of something good.
Your Dan Carcillo Check of the Game.
The Toewsface of the Game.
Pictured: A rare Steve Mason save.
General Pedostasch Weiner Tucker.