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The Blackhawks as Muppets

Written by Andrew Bernier on .

My name is Andrew.  I have a problem.  I can't stop myself from seeing things in the news and pop culture and finding parallels to the Blackhawks.  I'm also pretty excited for the new Muppets movie.  So it was only a matter before I created this post.

What if the Blackhawks were Muppets.

Let's stop pretending like you were coming here for serious hockey analysis.



Jonathan Toews as Sam the Eagle
ToewsSamtheeagle

This picture is worth at least a thousand words.  Jonathan Toews is the Canadian equivalent of Sam the Eagle.  Ultra-serious and spending most of his enegry keeping others in check.  From the Muppet Wiki: "He would, in fact, like to concern himself with the morals of the entire world, but 'regrets that it takes all his time and energy just to keep up with The Muppet Show.'"  Sounds like when Toews has to stay on top of Kane to keep him off TMZ.

Patrick Kane as Gonzo the Great
KaneGonzo
Gonzo is the funny looking daredevil alien. "He takes pride in his uniqueness and enjoys everything that he does -- no matter how painful or ill-advised it may be."  I wonder if Gonzo ever had an adventure in the back of a limo or cab.

Dave Bolland as Rizzo the Rat
BollandRizzo
Rizzo the Rat loves making fun of other characters.  He is the Muppet's resident troll.  This one was a slam dunk.

Brent Seabrook as Fozzie Bear
SeabrookFozzie
The big, goofy guy of the bunch.  Fozzie tells bad jokes, but you love him anyways.  Both he and Seabrook are capable of rallying the troops when the chips are down.


Niklas Hjalmarsson as The Swedish Chef
HjalmarssonSwedishChef
I've been using this comparison since Hammer started playing for the Hawks.  They're both Swedish and difficult to understand.  Meatball.

John Scott as Sweetums
ScottSweetums

"Sweetums is a large, hairy ogre who towers above his human and Muppet co-stars. His bulldog-like lower jaw, thick eyebrows, shabby brown shirt, and threatening expression belie his more or less genial nature."  John Scott and Sweetums. Big, ugly, terrifying to children. But they're both gentle giants.  Also, neither one shows up with any kind of regularity and when they do, they don't play a very integral part.

Jesse Rogers and Chris Kuc as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker
RogersKucHoneydewBeaker
First off, Jesse Rogers looks exactly like Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.  These two are side characters to the larger story, but you always see them hanging around.  They're both fumbling professors, thanks to Honeydew's inability to see and Beaker's inability to speak.  But no I would never ever suggest that those traits were significant flaws of their human counterparts.  Never.

Second City Hockey and The Fifth Feather as Statler and Waldorf
StatlerWaldorf

Statler and Waldorf are my favorite characters in the Muppets.  They're old crumudgeons who live to complain about the crap they're forced to watch.  These two are always the most critical and funny.  Nobody can beat the wit and one liners.

Now my question to you is who did I miss? I couldn't really equate anyone to Kermit.  And I felt mean making Byfuglien Miss Piggy.  So let's hear it. 

11 comments
Kathy Jean
Kathy Jean

Marion Hossa as Kermit perhaps? Hossa is a core player. He's serious and very grounded. He's not a very big guy (small like Kermit) but he is fast and smart on ice.

wardrums
wardrums

da da da da, da da, da da da,

da da da da, da da, da da

I think it was on the cover of Time magazine, but when Henson passed on they had a picture of an empty directors chair and all the Muppets around it. I don't think I've ever seen a sadder picture.

as Kermit noted about his boss, 'I don't know who Henson is, but I've heard he has his hand in a lot of things around here."

KellyPuckDrunk
KellyPuckDrunk moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

I think maybe Stan Bowman could be Kermit? The weird looking ringleader?

hattrot
hattrot like.author.displayName 1 Like

also -- animal : carcillo?

AndrewBHDL
AndrewBHDL moderator

@hattrot I had this on my list and I think I just forgot to do it. The physical similarities are too good to not recognize.

hattrot
hattrot

spot on. all of it. great job andrew! note: if anyone could ever get seabs to say wocka wocka wocka, my life would be complete.


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