9th Time Is A Charm: Blackhawks vs Predators Preview

Written by Andrew Bernier on .

Since I'm still way too busy to write regularly, our friend Elaine decided to give a preview a shot.

Game Time
: 7 pm
Tv/Radio: CSN / 720 am

Tonight our boys take on that creepy team down south. You know which one. They travel in a white windowless fan proclaiming they have free candy in the back. That's right you got it the Nashville Sexual Predators!! If the Hawks lose tonight, get ready to throw your hats up, throw glitter in the air and make it rain on some hoes because we will be number one. That's right we will be number one at losing. There are Blue Jackets fans everywhere rooting for Nashville tonight. Why? Because if we lose they don't hold the season losing streak record anymore. I'm also a Blue Jackets fan and quite frankly it's nice being good at something so I'm 100% fine with the Hawks winning tonight.

Also, I would like to take this moment to address superstitions. Andrew has stopped writing for this fine site that he started because he has a "life" and all. Since he has stopped writing the Hawks have won 7 of 21 games and are on a massive lose streak. He'll tell you : "Hey when I stopped writing they moved into first". Buddy you can't fight the numbers. That was just the calm before the shit storm. If they lose tonight, come back and write the next preview and see if they win. Prove me wrong.

BLACKHAWKS:

Toews:
Everyone's man crush is carrying this team on his shoulders. Hey may be captain but the team name is not the Chicago Toewshawks. Although at this juncture in the season they might as well rename the team to honor him. There is only so much Captain Serious can do before he is one of the youngest men alive to have a heart attack.

Crack Pot Line:
Look for Coach Q to throw together a line that only a coke head would find acceptable.

Kane:
I hope Kaner gets naked in a limo or punches a cabbie before the game. This change for the good has made his game change for the bad. Don't get me wrong I love a good guy but I also love hockey. Yes he has 3 assists and a goal in the past 8 games but we know you are so much better than those numbers. Tonight: look for kaner to be on fire or ice cold. At least he knows how to go big or go home.

Turnovers:
BLACKHAWKS! IF YOU LIKE TURNOVERS SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU OPEN A BAKERY?! If the boys don't bring their "A" game tonight look for them to get molested by the Predators.

Sharp:
This man has been on fire lately with 4 assists and 2 goals in the past 8 games. I often am highly annoyed with this sharply handsome man but I'm putting all of that aside. Look for Sharp to light up the net tonight. Also look for him to draw dumb penalties shortly after he scores. Sharpie is like that guy who has sex with his wife and then tells her "yes you look fat in that dress".

Predators:
I hate you Preds. I hate you so much I'm not even going to write about you. Weber and Suter your bromance makes me physically ill.

Both teams level of play has been suspect. Look for both teams to play balls to the wall.

That's all you guys are getting out of me for now. You get half a preview for a team who is playing at half their potential.

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